The 29th chapter of Kitzur Shulchan Aruch (literally translated, The Abridged Code of Jewish Law) is entitled הלכות קדיש יתום, The Laws of the Mourner’s Kaddish. Its opening statement is:

Many stories are told in the Midrashim indicating that because the son said Kaddish for his father or mother they were saved from [Heavenly] judgment. It is, therefore, customary [for a mourner] to say Kaddish, to be called up to maftir (the final aliyah of the Torah reading on Shabbat and Festivals), and to act as chazzan (leader) before the congregation.

The discussion of these laws continues for twenty two paragraphs. The final paragraph might be surprising:

Even though the saying of Kaddish and prayers are helpful to [the souls of] the parents, they are not the main thing. The most important thing is that the children walk in the path of righteousness, because with that they gain Heavenly favor for their parents. Thus it is written in the holy Zohar: (at the end of parshat Bechukotai) “A son honors his father.” (Malachi 1:6) This statement is similar to the Divine command “Honor your father and your mother,” (Exodus 20:12) which teaches [that a son must provide his parents] with food and drink. All this he must do while they are alive. But after their death you might think he is exempt; this is not so. Even after their death it is his duty to honor them even more, for it is written, “Honor your father.” If the son walks in the path of evil, he surely shows contempt for his father and disgraces him. But if the son walks in the path of righteousness and acts properly, he certainly honors his father thereby; he honors him in this world in the [eyes] of men, and confers glory on him in the other world in the presence of the Holy One, blessed is He. The Holy One, blessed is He, has mercy on him and seats him on His Throne of Honor.

This of course applies to both fathers and mothers and to men and women who have the mitzvah of honoring one’s parents.

This concept can be used to explain an idea in this week’s parsha:

רְאֵה קָרָאתִי בְשֵׁם בְּצַלְאֵל בֶּן־אוּרִי בֶן־חוּר לְמַטֵּה יְהוּדָה׃ וָאֲמַלֵּא אֹתוֹ רוּחַ אֱלֹהִים בְּחָכְמָה וּבִתְבוּנָה וּבְדַעַת וּבְכָל־מְלָאכָה׃

See, I have singled out by name Bezalel son of Uri son of Chur, of the tribe of Judah. I have endowed him with a divine spirit of skill, ability, and knowledge in every kind of craft. (31:2-3)

…וַאֲנִי הִנֵּה נָתַתִּי אִתּוֹ אֵת אָהֳלִיאָב בֶּן־אֲחִיסָמָךְ לְמַטֵּה־דָן

I have assigned to him Oholiav son of Achisamach, of the tribe of Dan… (31:6)

The commentaries point out that Betzalel’s grandfather’s name is mentioned while Oholiav’s is not. Da’at Zekanim explains that Betzalel’s grandfather, Chur, lost his life protesting the making of the Golden Calf. Since the Mishkan (Tabernacle) was made to atone for the sin of the Golden Calf Chur’s name is mentioned here.

This is not just a loose association. It’s meant to explain why Betzalel (who was actually a very young boy at the time) was chosen to be filled with the divine spirit needed to construct the Mishkan. It is because his grandfather Chur gave up his life to prevent the Jewish people from commiting the sin of the golden Calf. Therefore his grandson was chosen to make the atonement for it.

This can be explained with the concept mentioned above from the Kitzur Shulchan Aruch. Betzalel’s work to bring atonement to the Jewish people for the sin of the Golden Calf would be credited to his grandfather Chur as a reward for his efforts to prevent the Jewish people from committing that sin.

Rabbi Mordechai Kamenetsky cites a beautiful analogy from Rabbi Avrohom Pam, ZT”L about the impact of our actions on our deceased relatives. Young Avrohom grew up in the Slabodka region of Lithuania and studied at a yeshiva away from home that was located across the river. He reminisced that a friend of the family who was a wagon driver offered to bring him packages whenever the driver crossed the river. If the driver told the boy’s mother that he was leaving now, she would just send regards. If he told her that he was leaving in the evening,she would write a letter. If he gave her advanced notice that he was leaving the next day, she would send a package.

Rabbi Pam compared the crossing of the river to the Afterlife. “A Kadish Yatom (Mourner’s Kadish) is sending regards to one’s parents. Davening before the Amud and saying Kadish (leading the services) is sending a letter. But doing a mitzvah in someone’s zechus (merit) – that’s sending a package!”

For those of us who have lost a parent- let’s send them lots of packages.

For those of us who, thank G-d, still have a parent or parents- give them lots of packages of nachas!

Shabbat Shalom!
Yitzchak