The Torah teaches us:
לֹא־תִקֹּם וְלֹא־תִטֹּר אֶת־בְּנֵי עַמֶּךָ וְאָהַבְתָּ לְרֵעֲךָ כָּמוֹךָ אֲנִי ד'׃
You shall not take vengeance or bear a grudge against your countrymen. Love your fellow as yourself: I am Hashem. (Leviticus 19:18)
The Talmud (Yoma 23a) illustrates bearing a grudge in the following way. A person says to his friend, "Lend me your ax," and he responds, “No.” The next day the one who had refused to lend the ax, said to the other man, “Lend me your robe.” If he responds, “Here it is. I am not like you, who would not lend to me,” that is bearing a grudge. Although he does not respond to his friend’s behavior in kind, he still makes it known to his friend that he resents his inconsiderate behavior. We find two examples in this week’s parsha of how Moshe did not bear a grudge.
The Jewish people found themselves without water and complained bitterly to Moshe about it. G-d instructed him to speak to a rock from which water would flow. Instead of speaking to the rock he struck it. His punishment was a decree from G-d that he would not enter the land of Israel with the Jewish people. Bamidbar Rabbah (19:15) in this week’s parsha takes note that common practice is that when a person is engaged in business with his friend who causes him a loss, he separates himself from him and does not want to see him. Although Moshe was punished because of Israel, as stated (in Psalms 106:32), “And they provoked wrath at the Waters of Meribah and it went ill with Moshe on their account,” he did not unload their burden from himself. Instead:
וַיִּשְׁלַח מֹשֶׁה מַלְאָכִים מִקָּדֵשׁ אֶל־מֶלֶךְ אֱדוֹם כֹּה אָמַר אָחִיךָ יִשְׂרָאֵל אַתָּה יָדַעְתָּ אֵת כׇּל־הַתְּלָאָה אֲשֶׁר מְצָאָתְנוּ׃
From Kadesh, Moshe sent messengers to the king of Edom: Thus says your brother Israel: You know all the hardships that have befallen us. (20:14)
Moshe received a devastating blow through the Jewish people’s behavior. Nonetheless he continued leading them unconditionally.
The second example in the parsha is when the Jewish people complained about the Manna that fell from Heaven daily for them to eat. G-d sent poisonous snakes to punish them. “The people came to Moshe and said, “We sinned by speaking against Hashem and against you. Intercede with Hashem to take away the serpents from us!” And Moshe interceded for the people.” (21:7) Rashi cites Midrash Tanchuma that comments, ”From this we may learn that he of whom one seeks forgiveness should not be so cruel as not to forgive.”
Again, Moshe looks past the hurt done to him, forgives, and prays on behalf of those who wronged him. But there’s more.
וַיֹּאמֶר ד' אֶל־מֹשֶׁה עֲשֵׂה לְךָ שָׂרָף וְשִׂים אֹתוֹ עַל־נֵס וְהָיָה כׇּל־הַנָּשׁוּךְ וְרָאָה אֹתוֹ וָחָי
And Hashem said to Moshe: Make for you a serpent (figure) and mount it on a pole. And if anyone who is bitten looks at it, he shall recover. (21:8)
The Talmud (Avodah Zara 44A) states that the term “make for you” is interpreted to mean that the Lord commanded Moses to make the serpent from his own materials. Why did Moshe need to personally cover the cost for this? Yalkut Yehudah explains that the Torah is teaching that not only should we be forgiving, we should go as far as helping that very same person even if we have to cover the cost!
Rabbi Yisroel Salanter was traveling on a train to Vilna and a young man who did not recognize him treated him very disrespectfully. When the train arrived at its destination the young man was horrified to find out that the person he disrespected was the renowned Rabbi Yisroel Salanter. He sought out the rabbi and begged him for forgiveness. The rabbi accepted his apology and asked him why he had come to Vilna. The young man responded that he had come seeking ordination to be a Shochet (one who is ordained to perform Shechita, ritual slaughter on animals). After a short conversation it became clear that this young man was completely unprepared for this task. Rabbi Yisroel Slanter hired a local Shochet to teach and train this young man until he received his ordination. Rabbi Yisroel Salanter explained that forgiving this young man didn’t ensure that he still didn’t bear a grudge against him. Assisting others though creates a bond of friendship with them and that can drive away begrudging feelings.
The first level is to be forgiving and not to bear a grudge. The next level is to help that same person as much as we can even – even if it comes out of our pocket!
Shabbat Shalom,
Yitzchak