וַיֵּרָא אֵלָיו ה' בְּאֵלֹנֵי מַמְרֵא וְהוּא יֹשֵׁב פֶּתַח־הָאֹהֶל כְּחֹם הַיּוֹם׃
Hashem appeared to him (Avraham) in the plains of Mamre; he was sitting at the entrance of the tent as the day grew hot. (18:1)
Why was he sitting there? Rashi in his commentary explains that he was waiting to see if anyone was passing by to invite into his tent and feed them.
At first glance, the performance of chessed (kindness) seems to be reactionary. If someone has a need to fill you do a chessed and fill it. If there is no need, there’s no reason for chessed. If so, why does Avraham feel the need to wait for guests if there are none passing by (I’m sure Avraham could find other productive ways to use his time!)?
The Midrash (Vayikra Rabbah 34:8) teaches us:
יוֹתֵר מִמַּה שֶּׁבַּעַל הַבַּיִת עוֹשֶׂה עִם הֶעָנִי הֶעָנִי עוֹשֶׂה עִם בַּעַל הַבַּיִת
More than what the homeowner does for the poor person, the poor person does for the homeowner.
On one level this can be understood that our Sages are teaching a lesson to the giver (i.e. the homeowner who responds to the poor man making a request at his door). He thinks he’s doing a big favor to the needy person. What he should realize is that the recipient of his kindness is doing him an even bigger favor! The poor man gained physical sustenance.The homeowner gained a mitzvah!
Another way to understand this concept is that by giving, the homeowner becomes a better person. When we give we rise above our self-centeredness and become holier.
On a higher level, when we give we emulate the ultimate giver, Hashem. Giving makes us G-dly. This is why Avraham waited in the heat of the day, only three days after having a brit milah (circumcision) at the age of 99, for a guest to invite. He wanted to become holier. He wanted to become more G-dly.
A man, who we’ll call Chaim, went to spend Shabbos with his son in Phoenix, Arizona. He had a practice of dressing into his Shabbat clothing early Friday afternoon. A few hours before Shabbat would start, his son asked him to drive with him so that he could return a rented car. For Chaim it was already too close to Shabbat to take care of things but he agreed.
Traffic was horrendous and it took much longer to return the car than anyone had expected. They started driving home but they soon realized that it was too close to Shabbos to get back in time. They had no choice but to leave the car on the side of the road. They approached people in that neighborhood, explained their situation and asked if they could drive them back. Everyone had an excuse why they couldn’t do it. There seemed to be no choice other than walking around 4 miles to get back home.
Then a car pulled up next to them. Inside was an African-American man, his wife, and child. He looked at the two stranded Jews and said, “Isn’t it a bit too close to Shabbos for you guys to be hanging around here?” When they explained their predicament he offered to drive them. They left their car behind on the side of the road and hopped in. He dropped them off at Shul just as services were about to begin.
After Shabbos ended they went back to get their car. They wondered if they would meet up again with that angel who saved them the day before. The car was there and sure enough the man who drove them was there.
When they saw him they went over to him, shook his hand and thanked him saying, "You don’t know what you did for us!” He responded,” No. You don’t know what you did for me!"
The story’s not over. This Jewish man was back in Brooklyn when an elderly man asked him for a ride to Shul. He gave him the ride and as the elderly man was about to leave the car he turned to the driver and said, "Thank you so much! You don’t know what you did for me!"
“No,” answered the driver. “You don’t know what you did for me!”
The recipient gains. The giver gains a lot more!
Shabbat Shalom!
Yitzchak