בָּנִים אַתֶּם לד' אֱ-לֹהֵיכֶם לֹא תִתְגֹּדְדוּ וְלֹא־תָשִׂימוּ קׇרְחָה בֵּין עֵינֵיכֶם לָמֵת׃ כִּי עַם קָדוֹשׁ אַתָּה לַד' אֱ-לֹהֶיךָ וגו'
You are children of your G-d, Hashem. You shall not gash yourselves or shave the front of your heads because of the dead. For you are a people consecrated to your G-d, Hashem etc. (14:1-2)
The Torah forbids us to cut ourselves or bald the front of our heads as a sign of mourning over the loss of a loved one. The Torah explains these prohibitions with, "You are children of your God, Hashem," and, "For you are a people consecrated to your G-d, Hashem." What’s the connection between these two statements and these prohibitions?
Ibn Ezra in his commentary explains that the Torah is telling us that now that you know that you are children of Hashem and that Hashem loves you more than a father loves his child, do not cut yourselves over anything that Hashem does. For whatever Hashem does is for the good. If you do not understand Hashem then act like small children who do not understand what their father does but nevertheless rely upon him.
Seforno in his commentary writes that it is inappropriate to display excessive grief over the loss of a relative as long as a more relevant relative is still alive. This is why Hashem reminds us in this context that we are His children so that whatever relative we may mourn we still have a father who is alive and well so that we are not really orphaned.
Regarding the reason of “For you are a people consecrated to your G-d, Hashem,” Seforno writes that one should not mourn excessively for the person who has passed for he, at least, has not experienced any loss. On the contrary, he has been promoted to the region of eternal life of which our sages in Avot 4,6-7 have said that a single hour of the serenity experienced in that life is worth all the combined delights ever experienced during one’s life on earth.
Nachmanides importantly adds that the Torah does not prohibit weeping for the dead since it is natural to cry when parting from loved ones even when they go on a journey during their lifetime. The point here is to prohibit excessive mourning for the dead.
These prohibitions beg to question the behavior of the great sage Rabbi Akiva recorded in Talmud Sanhedrin 68a. When Rabbi Eliezer the rebbe (teacher) of Rabbi Akiva passed away, Rabbi Akiva encountered the funeral procession. The Talmud relates that he was striking his flesh in terrible anguish to the point that his blood flowed! He eulogized Rabbi Eliezer starting with the words, “My father, my father, the chariot of Israel and its horsemen” (II Kings 2:12) and then said,” I have many coins, but I do not have a money changer to whom to give them!” Rashi explains that he grieved that he has many questions to ask, but no one to ask them to.
The obvious question is that if he beat himself to the point of bleeding wasn’t he transgressing, "You shall not gash yourselves…. because of the dead"?
Tosfos answered that he did it for Torah, as he said, "I have many coins, but I do not have a money changer to sort them." Mourning the loss of Torah learning due to the loss of one’s rebbe is not included in this prohibition.
Yes we have a father in Heaven and yes we are sure of the great Afterlife awaiting the Torah scholar. But the loss of Torah study is so great for those who appreciate it that it is too great to bear and overrides these other considerations.
This is very important about Torah study. Torah study is not merely the pursuit of a particular field of knowledge. It is the primary means by which we develop our relationship and connection with Hashem. The loss of the rebbe is the loss of the unique connection available only through that rebbe with his unique personality and traits.
Ramban (1194-1270) wrote upon the passing of his rebbe, Rabbeinu Yonah (Rabbi Yonah of Gerona (1200-1263)) that nothing in the world can comfort him. The only consolation he has is that one day one day he will meet his rebbe again in Olam Haba (the World to Come).
Shabbat Shalom!
Yitzchak